Vertigo
by Ximatrii
Summary: This time i take it from Corran Horn's point of view. Enjoy!


Vertigo

_By: Mara Jade_

                Now it's Corran Horn's turn to tell his thoughts.  This is post-NJO: Vector Prime, but pre-NJO: Conquest.  Enjoy!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

                My hands itch for the controls of my X-wing, my fingers for the firing switch.  After all these years, I still just want to fly.

                So much has happened in this past few years.  I turn away from the window and practically collapse onto the couch in the small room.  This New Republic has seen the good and the bad.  For example, Master Skywalker married Mara Jade (finally), and Wedge Antilles finally got to retire.  I think it's almost sad about that, although that gives Wedge more time with his family and Iella, but it shows that Wedge's kind, the battle-hardened warriors, aren't really needed.  The Republic now functions on dignitaries, much to my disgust.  I've gotten to attend Master Skywalker's Academy, and am a Jedi Knight.  I have a son, Valin, and a daughter, Jysella, both beautiful kids, and now at the Jedi Academy themselves.  Mirax's business is good, as is her father's (though if that is good, I'm not quite sure).  There are Jedi out in the galaxy once more.

                The bad appeared in the form of the masochistic Yuuzhan Vong.  They attacked our galaxy, inhabited our planets, without provocation.  They hunted our Jedi.  They're tearing the fragile threads that hold our Republic together.

                I've flown against them, and they are good.  Very good.  I've never come up against weapons like theirs before.  They perform suicide maneuvers, with suicide often as the outcome.  They don't fear death, they welcome it, and cause it.  They are unlike anything I've ever encountered before in my starfighter, or my CorSec days.  I haven't come across anything this _huge, and there's an entire __galaxy of these warriors.  The details on why they're here aren't clear, although we think they've run out of room in their star systems, and have come here, searching for free real estate.  And so far we've given it to them._

                Oh, sure, the Republic has fought back, but not nearly enough.  We're a thorn in their side—and since they embrace pain, that doesn't mean much.

                They sacrifice shiploads of refugees to their gods.  They killed Chewbacca, the Wookiee, Han Solo's copilot.  They've converted our planets into their farms for creating creatures of destruction.  Mara Jade had nearly died from a poison, courtesy of the ugly bastards.  They killed Elegos, and sent me back his bones.

                Ever since the Vong attacked, our Republic has gone into a downward spiral.  Planet after planet has fallen to these deformed monsters.  Diplomats and Senators try to bring the dwindling New Republic Fleet to protect their planets.  Others try to buy out mercenary fleets.

                Then came Ithor, the beautiful green forest planet.  The Jedi learned that Ithor was to be the Vong's next target.  A group of several Jedi, including Master Skywalker, and his wife Mara Jade, and Anakin Solo, Ganner Rhysode, me, and others, went to the planet.  We wanted to save Ithor.

                But I took a gamble, and I lost.

                Even though I won the fight, Ithor was destroyed, turned into another of the Vong's disgusting planets.  All the beautiful trees, plants, animals…all the beautiful _life, gone.  And I caused it._

                I lost Ithor.

                And now, here I am, cowardly hiding on my homeworld of Corellia.  I can't fly my X-wing, because many know I'm here, and it would only be inviting trouble.

                All my hard work in the Corellian Security, as a Rogue, and a Jedi—all this was forgotten when my name was announced as the Jedi who lost Ithor.

                My life has fallen apart so fast.  I want to be able to see Valin and Jysella every day, but they're supposedly safe on Yavin 4, at the Academy full of Jedi students.  But that's just it.  Jedi _students.  There are hardly any Jedi Knights or Masters besides Kam and Tionne there full time, and they can't protect and teach very well at the same time.  Our galaxy needs more Jedi._

                But the Yuuzhan Vong situation is going out of control, not that it had ever been in our control to begin with.  It's like when I'm in an X-wing, and I'm hit and forced to go EV.  All I see are the stars and the black of space.  My mind automatically tries to differentiate "up" from "down," but I get disoriented, and want to close my eyes, but know I can't.  I don't know where I'll land.  Vertigo.

                That's how this feels.  I don't know what to do, what I can do.  My life is spinning out of control.  One minute I'm a CorSec officer, next I'm a Rogue Squadron pilot, then a Jedi.  Now I'm secluding myself on Corellia.

                But I'm a fighter.  I've got to go back out and fight the Sith-forsaken Vong.

                I'll do it for Ithor.

                And this time, I'll win.


End file.
